Strange and Stupid Things That Agency People Do
Agency people are normal … mostly.
They start their careers in marketing or advertising fresh-faced and eager. Sure, sometimes they quote Jeff Goodby at Thanksgiving, but otherwise they’re tolerable, average, all-around good people, who just want to make campaigns like the greats.
And then something strange happens. Slowly, day by day, they begin to change.
Their pant legs get shorter. Their beards grow longer. Their sock collections become more eclectic. They shun office chairs for medicine balls, where they sit judging the GMO content of your spirulina acai power bowl, and remind everyone at parties that they know how Google really works.
One day, they wake up to realize that they are no longer mere marketers. They are initiates in the cult of #agencylife.
And that’s just scratching the surface. Here’s a long list (and it’s hardly exhaustive) of the weird things that agency people do.
3. But also consider hoodies and sweatpants appropriate office attire
5. Think in #hashtags
6. Think in Keynote presentations
7. Learn to hate PowerPoint and try to get clients to convert to Keynote
8. Grow lumberjack beards
9. See one-pixel mistakes that cannot be unseen
11. Develop a love/hate relationship with iStock that we just can’t end
12. Say things like “We become what we measure”
13. Know that we can’t truly measure most things
14. Drink excessively on Tuesdays at industry events — it’s okay, it’s “networking”
15. Fall asleep at night thinking about Snapchat campaigns
16. Put on a shitload of award ceremonies to give ourselves a shitload of awards
17. Get very upset at bad campaigns, even though we had nothing to do with them
18. 5% will try to raise chickens to have soy-free, non-GMO eggs
19. 25% of us will talk about raising chickens, but never will because we live in apartments. But mostly because we don’t know how to do that kind of stuff
20. Think of friends and family as living user personas
21. Get really excited about new MarTech products
22. Think it’s a god-given right to have puppies, beer, LaCroix and ping-pong at the office
23. And then think it’s unique to have puppies, beer, LaCroix and ping-pong at the office
24. Use words like "omnichannel," "micro moments," "digital ecosystem," and "force rank" in everyday conversation
25. Drink Soylent
26. Have passionate Oxford-comma arguments
27. Think LinkedIn memes are almost funny, but also make you throw up in your mouth a little
28. Get pissed off when the bean bags are already occupied
29. Complain at Super Bowl parties about how these ads ever got approved
31. Develop an unhealthy affection for whiteboards
32. Use instant messaging to have a conversation with the person sitting six feet away … solely using reaction GIFs … about work
33. Refuse to eat anything unless it pairs with hummus and/or avocado
34. “I’ll make a dashboard for that”
36. Have a running commentary about ads on TV with family, despite that they really don’t care — at all
37. Become obnoxious coffee snobs
38. Share industry news and campaigns (that no one else cares about) on our personal social media accounts
39. “Cubicle? What’s that?”
40. Think statements like, “Hey, your dog just took a dump on the rug up front” are normal
41. Use buzzwords like “optimize” for EVERYTHING
42. Speak in acronyms
44. Feel annoyed when people ask if our job is just like “Mad Men”
45. But secretly hope to be a less terrible version of Don Draper
46. Read (and write) marketing listicles