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Email Marketing Sucks, Except When it Doesn’t

When the band the Eagles broke up in 1980, co-lead singer Don Henley famously sneered that the band would play together again “when Hell freezes over.”

Well, for many years if you mentioned email marketing to anyone at Nebo you’d most likely be met with a response like, “Email marketing is the digital equivalent of junk mail. We don’t do email marketing.”

Taking a step back for a second, most everyone can agree that email marketing is an incredibly effective and useful tool. But with this, I’d also bet that most everyone can also agree that a whole lot of email marketing does in fact, well, suck. Just like junk mail.

While we felt this way for all the same reasons most folks do — spam, unsolicited blasts, lists we never signed up for, etc. — our issue actually went a level deeper.

Why Your Sales People Are Probably All Hat and No Cattle

Let’s talk about Chip. You know Chip.

Chip plays golf. He knows everyone. He backslaps. Tells funny jokes. He’s an “account man.” He can pick up the phone when needed and say something like, “Don’t worry — I’ll call Jim and smooth things out.”

Chip also cold calls. He adds you to email newsletters you never signed up for. He always wants you to buy more. He always wants to talk about his company’s new products. He doesn’t truly understand how the sausage is made. He’s not thinking about your business challenges or solving your problems.  He’s trying to solve his problems — he has a quota to hit.

But, he mixes in just enough small talk and likability to stay in your orbit. Even if you don’t trust him. Even if you don’t really like him.

Chip is all hat and no cattle, as they like to say in Texas.

Todd is not Chip. Todd has no hat. Well, maybe a goofy baseball cap, but not a cowboy hat. He’s all cattle. At least from an agency perspective.

Can Emojis Save the Most Hated Blog of All Time?

In the legacy of the Nebo blog, there is one post so widely reviled, so deeply loathed, that we dare not speak its name. We refer to it only as: “The Pokemon Post.”

Within moments of its publication, our Facebook was flooded with angry comments — comments that had nothing to do with the post itself. It was clear that while many had commented, none had read.

Why is this post so criminally vile? It must be because people hate words. If only we could do away with reading, perhaps the masses would love us once again.

And so we set out on a mighty mission. A battle to overcome humanity’s hatred of words, to save the reputation of the Nebo blog, and perhaps even to revive a once-beloved AR craze.

Here it is again — no reading required. (But if you’re into that sort of thing, here’s a sentence-by-sentence translation of our all-emoji post.)

A Sentence-by-Sentence Breakdown of Our All-Emoji Blog Post


I Ain’t Scared (At Least Not Anymore)

If I had to describe me as a kid, it wouldn’t exactly be flattering. Men/boys who were as scared of things as I was would typically have been described with the very unfriendly term for a scaredy cat.

I was scared of pop-flies (and had the hit to the face to show for it.) I was scared of heights. White-water rapids, as well as six-inch drops in calm rivers. Roller coasters. Talking in class (and its next stage of terror, called public speaking.) Takeoffs and landings, to say nothing of turbulence.

And as I got older, the challenges and their related concerns simply grew.

But then in my mid-20s something magical happened. Well, to be specific, something magically terrible happened: I got divorced.